


There is no Mercy or Grief, but the Wrath of a Storm that does not Kneel.

by Thesuspiciousflyingjellyfish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Epic Friendship, Gen, Is it really a hetero relationship, Lilith Redemption, Motherhood, Samandriel and Lilith, The Author Regrets Nothing, The pronouns are all over the fucking place im so sorry, Woman filled with so much rage she fucks the devil and yells at god, and the other is a wavelength of celestial intent?, if one person is a female, it’s about the layers, like an onion, more at ten, sorta - Freeform, the bromance you never knew you needed, what if she wasn’t actually that evil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thesuspiciousflyingjellyfish/pseuds/Thesuspiciousflyingjellyfish
Summary: Lilith was born with stars in her blood and equal to her husband. But Adam was just the footnote of her life.
Relationships: Lilith & God, Lilith/Adam, Lucifer/Lilith, Samandriel & Lilith
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	There is no Mercy or Grief, but the Wrath of a Storm that does not Kneel.

**Author's Note:**

> No one asked for this but I wanted it, and hey, be the content that you want. So here it is. The Lilith Backstory and Redemption no one fucking asked for.
> 
> I have to say I am utterly disappointed at the lack of interesting Lilith fanfiction. Don’t get me wrong, I know she is pure evil, but if you can write Lucifer as a good guy, I can do the same for Lilith. 
> 
> Btw, this does not stick entirely to Canon Lilith backstory. But canon Supernatural is already a trainwreck so fuck it.

Her awareness of her existence came to being in a split second of nothingness, to light and life. Of course, just created, she was not familiar with any of these terms. It was through exploration and slowly communicating with the other brought into this world with her that she learnt and grew. It was also the Voice that murmured and encouraged in her and the other’s ears that helped her understand.

She was named Lilith, constructed from the darkness around them, the empty but expansive and ever growing shadows that encase the world she lived in. She could feel stars exploding in her chest and blood, taste the cosmo on her tongue. The other, the one that was called her husband, her equal, was named Adam. His bones brought forth by the ground they stood upon, blood singing with the earth and dirt at their feet.

They wandered and learnt, discovered and stood in the awe of the world created by the Voice. The Voice would explain and suggest, taught lessons and Lilith revelled in life surrounding them. Their home was safe. Was paradise.

But it slowly crumbled beneath her feet as her solid ground, her husband, began to demand subservience from her instead of equality as they were made to be. She could not understand why he formed his thoughts to this direction, what caused such a change.

What did she do wrong?

Lilith grew scared, grew angry. She rejected the advances she once feasted upon, succumbing to the delight of their bodies joining in one. In unison. She did not want that once simple pleasure if that meant kneeling at his feet in servitude. She knelt to no one.

That refusal had her grabbed and manhandled, dragged, crying and raging, out of paradise. Out of her _home_. Her arms ached with bruises, shaped like once-loved hands of her husband. Lilith used to love the bruises created from falling out of trees, from tripping, chasing her husband around their home, laughter ringing through the air.

Now they stung, they _hurt_ , with pain that had no happiness underlining it. Her chest heaved, her breath grew short and stuttered as she let out a wretched wail at the sky, locked out of her home. The ground was not the soft grass that she rejoiced to lay upon, it was hard. It pinched and scratched her exposed skin as she fell to her knees in agony.

Her shoulders shook, hands trembling, as she clutched at her body. No one but herself to hold her through her torment. The rough dirt needled her forehead as it rested on the ground, tears of pure heartbreak wetting it.

‘Where are you!?’ She had cried to the sky. Where was the Voice that had once laughed and indulged in her curiosity and questions? Where was the Voice that had breathed life into her very soul?

‘Have you abandoned me!?’ Lilith weeped and sobbed.

But as her sorrow dissipated, sinking into the ground like her tears, a new sensation creeped into her heart. It felt hot. It burnt like the sun on her too exposed skin. It heated her body like no fire could. Nails dug grooves into the dirt as she pushed herself back up, limbs still trembling. But it wasn’t with despair. It was with something she called Wrath.

It shoved her into motion, making her gait less of the soft, light steps that she took when dancing about her previous paradise. It was firm. It was hard. It was filled with spite and rage. She fisted her hands and stormed through the dry and desolate plains of this unfamiliar land, fear left behind at the gate of first home.

Lilith would not take this slight against her, this rejection and betrayal, lightly. She did not know what she would do, still so young and naive to the world around, but she would show Adam her Wrath. She would show the Voice that their abandonment of her person would be their biggest regret.

The sun sunk and rose in tandem as her feet carried her forward. They left behind trails of blood, cut and weeping out the thick life from her body. And in it’s replacement, something else settled in her veins. Something heavier and darker than the deep, dried blood left behind. She was human, she was alive. There was no doubt in that. But she was no longer what was originally created.

Her stomach ached and clenched in on itself, and her mouth was dry and bare. Lips once the soft colour of peaches that she loved the most, was cracked and bloodied. But nothing stopped Lilith’s journey. She did not no where she was going, but she moved with determination. She would not waste away like Adam had hoped. _She would live._

A cave had become her home. The dirt had sprouted slowly into the grass that she knew, though it was more coarse than the soft bedding that she used to lie upon in paradise. In away, she saw herself in such a simple plant. Or maybe this solitude was making her lose her mind, left behind in the hot, barren wasteland she had travelled through.

The cave was softened with thick moss on the ground and up the walls. The stream nearby had her falling once more to her knees, finally stopping her relentless march, as she cried out with relief. The water tasted like the first bite of her first moments of life. Her tongue sung with the cool liquid, dripping past her chin to her naked skin.

By the riverbed, she turned her face upwards, the night sky gleaming and shining with the stars that made their home in her marrow, she asked softly, ‘Was this what you wanted of me?’

And hot tears rushed down her cheeks as the Voice spoke once more to her, heart aching released agony.

‘You were not made to service another.’

‘What _was_ I made for?’

The Voice did not answer, and her Wrath flared once more. They had always answered her questions, but now cast out of her paradise, they have distanced themselves from her.

Lilith growled low in her chest, and dug her hands into the grass below her. She did not need them if they were so willing to leave her behind. She would not ache and long for their voice. Lilith would not allow herself to feel betrayal again if this was where her love and loyalty would lead her.

So she ignored that innocent, desperate part of her that longed to reach out and embrace the one that spoke. She banished those thoughts and emotions and forced herself to live.

Lilith was made with stars in her bones, a thick darkness now swirling in her blood, and she would never submit nor service anyone. She survived and lived with knowledge gained in the paradise she was banished from. Ate from the foods naturally grown around her, planted their seeds and brought new life around her new home.

She would not allow herself to kneel.

* * *

But that did not mean she was not lonely. She was created with another, had not known solitude until now. She was made to be with another, to never be alone. Where talking once flowed easily for her came to a stuttering halt. Faltering with the constant realisation that no one would reply back.

There were days that the ringing emptiness was unbearable, curled in her cave, desolate and numb. Her hand would reach out in her sleep, wanting to grasp at the soul she was created to stand with. No matter her determination to live well, she did not.

She was alone.

She was so, _so_ alone.

* * *

Lucifer was a being she had never looked upon before. Everything so tangible and real, their brightness and otherworldly body was breathtaking and unfamiliar. At first, Lilith had thought it was the Voice finally gracing her with their presence. But no, this being felt different.

It’s light shone so bright, and she felt the cosmos in her veins more pronounced and alive in the presence of them. Their wings stretched far and wide, it’s body floated above her, larger than anything she had ever seen.

Lilith could not stop her fall.

They were softly spoken, words unknown but voice calm and kind. Lilith felt a sensation of curiosity that wasn’t her own flood her mind, and with a wondered realisation, she couldn’t stop the way she smiled so widely up at this being.

‘I do not know what you speak,’ She had called up at the being, ‘But I’m willing to answer all your questions and more.’

It floated silently, before it’s light brightened and this time Lilith had to look away, spots sparking up in her eyes at it’s other-worldly glory. When it died back down, in it’s place Lilith almost thought it was Adam.

Their shape was similar to his, but their hair was lighter, and the most prominent difference, was the wings. Six, white and shining like the stars she loved so dearly. Their form shifted and twisted consistently, eyes sprouting in between the feathers before blinking away, changing positions.

Questions held on the tip of her tongue, she stepped hesitantly but fearlessly forward, hand stretched out. Lilith stopped a short distance from the being and waited.

They tilted it’s head, eyes like galaxies, before copying her gesture. The cold was a shock to the heat their brightness emanated, but Lilith held on tightly, never flinching in the face of the new.

‘Hello.’ She greeted the being, her smile never faltering.

And her heart leapt at the sound of their voice, soft and curling, but understandable. ‘Hello, Lilith.’

Her grey eyes widened and she whispered with hope soaring, ‘You know me?’

It’s other hand came up, and clasped it over her own. Both cold appendages cradled her hand as they softly affirmed, ‘I watched you come into existence.’

Heart thumped and pounded against her ribcage, mouth dry as she hushed, ‘You made me?’ Lilith was so curious at the face of her creator, and the possibility-

‘No.’ And she could not hold back the disappointment that showed on her features. The being’sface though seemed amused at her downtrodden expression and murmured, ‘My father/mother/parent/creator did.’ Lilith blinked, confused at the overlaid words in her mind, not sticking to one title. 

‘Who are they?’ Lilith blurted out, but snapped her mouth closed after the words left them, mortified at her eagerness. But the amusement from the being had her relaxing, calmed knowing they did not take offence at her ill-mannered behaviour.

The love in their eyes shone though as they spoke of their parent, ‘They are called God. The Creator.’

‘Is this the same voice that speaks to me?’ Lilith wondered.

They nodded. ‘It is.’

Lilith always had the suspicion that the Voice created her, but it was never confirmed. But her confusion and anger warred in her chest at how her creator had abandoned her, left her lost and alone. But she held her tongue. She did not want to ruin this new possible companionship between her and this being by offending them and insulting their parent.

So shook those thoughts away, and dove head first into befriending this being.

* * *

The Wrath in her body, always a constant scream, soothed to a hum in the presence of Lucifer. They had said that their true name could not be spoken on her tongue, but that name was the closest that she could come to it.

It caressed and hissed in her mouth, and she loved it’s feeling on her tongue. She loved many things about Lucifer. They had this soft, witty personality. Hidden jokes and wide knowledge, Lucifer would talk of it’s siblings, of how they help the Creator create. When Lilith found out that the glorious being by her side created the stars she adored, the stars burning in her body, she could not stop the reverence felt for this being.

The Creator may have brought her in this world, but Lucifer’s creations were what she loved most. And at the time, there was no word for the emotion and thought that she had. It was only in decades later, when suddenly there was large populations of her kind, that she learnt the word for it.

Blasphemy.

So in her ignorance and hope, she fell and worshipped Lucifer. Where he introduced her to the wonders of the world she did not know, she in turn introduced him to the wonders she knew. They were not as magnificent nor large as the sky or the seas, but it was important to her.

She watched him bite into a peach, her favourite food, for the first time, and grinned at the wonder upon his beautiful features. Lilith had him lay upon the soft moss of her cave, feel the comforting sensation with her. She watched with fondness as he ran his fingers against it’s surfaces.

Where he showed her the massive world around them, she showed him the small pleasures, the minute creations that helped form the land they walked upon.

It almost felt inevitable when she introduced the pleasures of the body to Lucifer, gradually working their way passed light touches to firm, movements, working in concert with one another. The gasps she pulled from his mouth was like a song, raptured and resonating through her bones and blood. The stars burst under her skin and reformed at his touch, over and over again.

Days of exploration of the world shifted to nights of exploration of their bodies, bonding and merging into one. The pleasure she felt with Adam was nothing in comparison to the sheer euphoria of being with Lucifer, surrounded by his cold-warm grace, cocooned in his embrace and love.

And it was love, she could feel it from him. Or maybe, not the Love he felt for the Creator. Nothing could ever equate to that pure worship and emotion, but Lilith could feel the lesser love given to her. She knew she could not compete with the Creator, so she happily accepted what Lucifer could give her, because she knew he didn’t have to give her even that to begin with. Lilith knew she loved him to a greater degree than he did for her, and a small, greedy part of her, wanted more.

But she would never demand more from Lucifer than what he was already willing to give her. She would not push and shove and demand like Adam had done to her. Lucifer was not her equal; he was higher than her. But he never demanded more from her either, so she let herself fall for the delusion that they were equal. She just wanted to pretend, to not be alone ever again.

* * *

The mark on his arm had her scared, her feeling trepidation, at the sight of it. Lilith knew she was made of the darkness of the universe, but this was darker than dark. And where once Lucifer was joyful and curious of her and the world, he became irritated and vicious. Spitting insults at humankind, hating how they’ve started to destroy his parent’s creation.

Lilith felt a fear she never knew she could have, thinking Adam’s betrayal was the worst fear she could feel. Lucifer became enraged, storming many times into her home to yell and vent to her about what the humans have done this time.

He weeped in her arms in apology the first time she flinched back from his Wrath, begging for her forgiveness. And she was weak to it, always forgiving, always comforting him.

Lilith did not know what would become of his questioning. She herself had always questioned the Voice in paradise, wondering why things were they way they were. So Lucifer’s questioning was not something she saw as bad nor worth punishment.

How wrong she was.

Lilith should’ve known that the joining of their bodies would create life. Her body was made to create and carry life, to carry on the blood of humankind. The Voice had told both her and Adam that when she was in paradise, but she had forgotten after being rejected from it’s walls, thinking that carrying life would be impossible for her now.

So the slow swell of her stomach was terrifying and surprising. And depending on how you saw it, Lucifer’s absence could be a blessing or a curse. His absences were growing longer, spending time in his home, in heaven. Arguing with his family. So for her pregnancy, she had thought she would be alone for it all.

Lilith did not know what their union would create, being two very different creatures, and she was scared.

But in Lucifer’s absence, came a new face.

Samandriel was a new angel, weaker than Lucifer and his first siblings. Samandriel was young, just created, and full of so much curiosity. A curiosity she would have indulged in if she wasn’t filled with so much fear and anger. Fear of the future, of Lucifer’s anger. She was angered at how goodness in her life seemed to always become marred with corruption. Angry at herself, thinking it was her fault, that she was cursed. Sometimes she even thought that maybe, if she just succumbed to Adam’s demands, maybe she would be at the very least content if not happy.

So when this young being wandered towards her territory, most likely following the trail of Lucifer’s power to this place, she greeted him not with a smile but with a glare.

Her stomach had swollen to where it was noticeable. She did not know how long it would last, nor how big it would grow, but everyday she woke up with aches, and went to sleep lonely and hurting. Lilith did not have much patience for much these days.

Samandriel had taken the form of a human, same as Lucifer had done. Though it was more younger looking of a body, fit for the youth this angel had. Wide brown eyes, and flopping hair, Lilith felt her glare weaken at the pure innocence in this being.

With a huff, she ushered the curious creature in to her home. Over time, her cave had gained furniture, rudimentary and hand-crafted by herself. Clothing, loose and tied together, adorned her body. Animal furs and skins. Lucifer had not been happy with the knowledge she had killed the Creator’s creatures, and even after her explanation of needing to survive from the cold, he was still unhappy but stopped speaking of the topic.

The furs did not hide her stomach well, and Samandriel, after introducing himself nervously, had shone with amazement and wonder, leaning in close as if he could get a better look. Though, she conceded with annoyed indulgence, he was most likely taking a closer look at the soul that was forming with the body inside her.

‘Very bright!’ He had confirmed, and her annoyance dwindled in the face of how pure he was. Lilith allowed him to come and go after that, telling him about the world she lived in, but it did not hold the original joy that she had when she first told Lucifer.

How could she speak of such happiness of the Earth, when she knew Lucifer was right about humanity. They really did destroy everything they touched, she had thought bitterly. But Samandriel was not swayed away from her by her bitterness, by her Wrath.

He endured it.

And with his company, she learnt about the happenings of Heaven.

Heartbreak gripped her as she listened to the war that was brewing on the horizon. And it was selfish of her to only think about what all this fighting would mean for her and for the child. But this life was all she knew!

She would be stupid to think that Lucifer would involve himself in her life, so she only thought of the future of her child and herself. And now that was threatened. She loved Lucifer, but practicality was the best way forward.

So she steeled herself, banishing the tears welling up her eyes, and faced Samandriel again. He truly was a sweet creature, easing any aches the child created, happy to help her in anyway possible.

He was a friend. Her only one and most dearest.

When the birth came, a storm raged outside her cavern, and only Samandriel was there with her, his hand being gripped tight in her’s, not a single wince of pain on his face. Despite being young, he wasn’t weak. He still was a soldier of the Creator.

A soldier who was meant to be fighting in the war, not helping the birth of the unknown combination of a tainted human and a powerful archangel. But he stuck with her instead, soothing her cries of pain and agony as lightning ran through her body, trying to push out a new being into this, terrible, war-torn, world.

But he could not soothe the heartbreak she felt with the knowledge that Lucifer would not be here to see their child. Would not being coming to help her through this birth, because she knew, deep down, that he would not win this war. Lucifer was fighting the Creator, and not by her side, because he loved them more than her. The hand that ran through her hair was warm, not cold. The voice was soft, but not the soft caress that she was familiar with.

He was not here.

He was not here to listen as she wept and howled with the storm that rage outside the cavern, and struggled to bring their child into the world.

The child ripped it’s way out of her, clawed and screaming, but the pain that had her nearly sinking into darkness, was her heart splitting and fracturing with the knowledge that Lucifer was cast down from his home. Cast down and taken from her. Samandriel felt it too. Everyone on the earth felt his Fall. The sky burnt red as the Morningstar Fell to the pits, a cage created specifically for him.

Samandriel had healed her torn body, dark blood streaming out of her. Too much, her body was losing too much. They saved her as she was slowly slipping away, near succumbing to the loss of Lucifer and the excruciating pain of birthing a being that was not to exist. But the child’s cry was like music, was like Lucifer’s voice, and she wept tears she did not know she had left. She wanted to live.

And she did.

The darkness in her sight faded as Samandriel, her dearest and beloved friend, laid her child in her arms. Covered in the thick, deep red of her insides, the child was genderless and beautiful. Glorious. And though her heart broke for the loss of her lover, it began to heal at just the sight of this magnificent creature in her arms.

Hair dark as her’s, it had two, shaky and weak wings peeking from it’s back. Covered in fluid, Lilith did not know what they would grow to look like, but hope had her excited to see what the future would hold.

A teary glance from her child to Samandriel, she let out a joyful laugh at how in awe he was. He stared down at the child, new and squirming in the thick covering wrapped around them. A hesitant hand reached out and stopped, an inch from touching the child’s forehead. Samandriel looked to her for permission and she granted it with a nod.

A light blessing glowed around the child’s body, the blood and fluid disappearing as the glow faded, and she marvelled at the purity radiating from the child. The angel was close enough for her to lean against his vessel’s chest, exhausted but proud. The Wrath in her body dimmed with the sensation of her child cradled in her arms.

‘Lucifer. You have a child.’ She prayed to him, hoping her thoughts reached him in his prison. Hoping he would find some small sliver of happiness with that knowledge.

But it did not last. The peace was disrupted with the arrival of the Creator, the air crackling with power, tasting of thunder and storm. Samandriel stared with awe and love, and Lilith ached with the knowledge that once again, she would never be anyone’s first choice.

But she gritted her teeth against that knowledge and let the rage flow forward, giving her strength that she did not have. Enough strength to leave and stand away from Samandriel’s embrace and prowl out of her cavern like a beast, ready to protect her child.

She knew this offspring was not meant to be, would be seen as an abomination. But the child was her’s and she would fight this all-powerful being with every last fibre of her being to keep her child. A child who had not even been named nor been in this world for even a day.

The Creator’s shape twisted and changed, never settling on one look or form, but that did not have her faltering. She stood before them, thighs and chest drying with her own blood, naked and holding her swaddled child to her chest.

She stood defiant and angry.

The Creator stared her down, and the Voice was rumbled and low, no longer amused and indulging. ‘That child was not meant to be created.’

Jutting her chin out, she stated coldly, ‘You lost all right to dictate my life and body when you abandoned me. I am not under your control, Creator.’

They rumbled, thunder on the horizon, ‘I created you. I breathed life into you. This was not your purpose.’

Her rage flared as she screamed, ‘You never gave me a purpose! You never told be what I was made for! You can not hate nor punish me for the actions I have committed because you created me this way!’ Her betrayal bled through her cries and her Creator just shook their head.

‘I did not create you to lay with Lucifer and bring a monster into my world.’

Instinctively her arms tightened around her child, and she growled. ‘No! You created me to be equal to Adam. Equal to make my own choices just as he had done. But it was me that was punished for my free will and not his betrayal. I was made independent and as free thinking as him, and he cast me out for the way I was made, yet you _never_ punished _him_!’

Her tears were hot and burning, falling down her cheeks and she raged and glared at this being. A being that was worshipped and loved. A being that her beloved Lucifer loved higher than anything ever created. A being that threw Lucifer out for questioning them. A being that corrupted their most beloved child.

Wrath continued to swell in her chest, as she heaved and declared with venom, ‘You may be God. You may be the Creator. But you are just as dark as you sister. Just as cruel. These humans worship you for your benevolence but you cast aside your favoured child when they were corrupted by the very mark you gave him. _I loved him._ I loved him and _you_ took him away.’

Winds lashed and swirled around them as God spoke once more, their anger palpable. ‘Lucifer wished to destroy humankind. Your people.’

She scoffed, ‘I am no longer a human. I have not been one for decades. I have not aged liked them. Not like Adam and his new wife had. Not like their children, and their children’s children. I am not human.’

‘And what are you?’ And they sounded less angered now. Curious. What would be it’s head, tilting in thought.

‘I am what you made me to be.’ She drew herself up tall and her body burned with her Wrath. Lilith’s voice trembled with rage and the exploding stars in her blood.

‘I am the one created from darkness and stars. I am the Wrath of a wronged woman. I am the blood-footed wanderer of the barren plains, searching for home and safety. I am the one abandoned by her Creator. I am the one that demands equality. And I am the one that loved the Morningstar with no doubts nor exceptions. I am the one who carried their child and who will raise them outside of God’s view.

I am a scorned woman who has abandoned her god, just as they have her.’

And the Creator left after that, only pausing after her angered words before their light disappeared. She did not know what that last glance was supposed to tell her, but the relief that flooded her system at their exit had her on her knees, holding her child tightly to her chest.

Whether it’s for the rest of this day or for the rest of her existence, she knew that her Creator had fully left her. And though it hurt, she was filled with the knowledge that out of God’s eye meant she was out from under their control and command.

She had true Free Will.

The Free Will that did not need to be obtained by eating forbidden knowledge, but obtained by journeying away from God’s demands and choosing to live against all expectations. She would never fall under another’s thumb ever again.

* * *

Samandriel was understandably terrified of her. After all, only Lucifer stood against their parent’s command and was subsequently thrown into the Cage. And then she did the same, and was left alone. Samandriel knew they would be having a discussion with their father/mother/parent/creator when they returned to Heaven. But for now, they stayed with Lilith to make sure her and her child were healthy.

Unlike humans, the child was born without the genitalia needed to reproduce. And only time would tell what the child would look like as they grew up. And only time would tell whether the child held the same level of power as Lucifer did. As they took a glance at Lilith, and still struck with awe at her courage, Samandriel knew this child would be powerful, not just because of the being that fathered it.

But also because of the mother that carried it and will raise it out from under the Creator’s eye.

The child was named Shahar. An appropriate name in Samandriel’s mind. Dawn. Morning. The meeting of the night and the light. Just like the meeting of Lucifer and Lilith. A perfect balance of the two.

Shahar was a curious child, much like their parents. Their eyes were the grey colour of their mother’s, but that hint of gold that Lucifer’s held, shone through as their power’s began to grow and expand.

The black hair tumbled in curls and waves down their pale skin, just like Lilith’s. Their features were slight and sharp, physically taking after their mother in every way. At least, almost in every way. Their skin was cold, touch near freezing the grass with every step.

Shahar learnt to control that cold output as they grew, their wings enlarging with each growth spurt. Dark and iridescent, they held none of the bright purity that Lucifer’s held. But they still shone just as gloriously.

Samandriel loved this child, just as they’ve grown to love Lilith. She was a mentor and a friend. A sister and a mother. She was kind just as she was harsh. She raged and screamed in equal measures, but the softness held for Samandriel and her child helped soothe that Wrath.

She originated the sin of Wrath, but it never consumed her to the extant that it did for other humans. She controlled it just as fiercely as she controlled her life.

* * *

Soon, stories were being told and written of the angels and of the Creator. Humans did not understand in the same way that she did of them all, but that would be because she was the last first human to exist. The last one who knew and saw the slow continued creation of the earth. The last being able to see and near comprehend angels and their forms without the sight burning her eyes out.

They called the Creator Father, like men were able to birth the world in the way that women could. She was angered by the sheer arrogance of men, in putting themselves higher than women, but she figured bitterly that Adam’s belief bled into mankind through his children.

A part of her pitied Eve. The way she was reviled and hated for believing the serpent. Hated her for how she caused Adam and her to be cast out of paradise for wanting true knowledge.

Not like God hadn’t planned for that, Lilith had scoffed. She knew the Creator wanted the humans to have Free Will, and that they wanted them to go against his word. God was more conniving than they believed.

* * *

Lilith continued to live in her cavern, society expanding around her, and could not help but laugh at the stories created about her as well. The First Demon. The Mother of Monsters, bringing evil into the world. The only thing she brought into this world was the miracle that was her child, she thought with derision at the humans.

Shahar aged to the point of young adult hood, having the same youthful looks as she was created with and have held for centuries. Shahar was kind, never knowing the betrayal and heartbreak like their mother, and she was relieved for that. Out of God’s eye, Shahar grew up happy and without their control.

Oh Lilith had sway over their thoughts and decisions, but she never commanded them to do anything unless there was danger in their ideas. She nurtured their curiosity and wonder, and Lilith smiled at the way Shahar talked about wanting to explore the world around them.

And she would’ve let them.

But Samandriel came with the news of similar beings like Shahar. Nephlims, they were named. Angels laying with humans were hated and killed for their power and the unholy union that brought them into existence. They spent the next many decades keeping low, trying not to catch the attention of angered angels smiting Sharhar’s kind.

With fear, Lilith wondered if this was God’s way of getting vengeance for Shahar’s creation. They could not touch her and her child, so the Creator took it out on those that they could. But Samandriel only shook their head sadly.

‘God has left us.’

Her heart stuttered in her chest as she breathed out, ‘What.’

And their voice shook with despair, ‘Our father/mother/parent/creator has left us and only few know.’

‘You are one of them.’ She stated, hoping that infromation would help but seemed to make it worse. 

Samandriel just continued to shake, slumping to the floor of her cavern. ‘Besides the archangels, only I have come to be in their presence, and when they left and hid away from me and my siblings, I knew it. I felt it. Others did not.’

Kneeling beside them, she gathered the crying angel into her arms, murmuring gently, ‘I am sorry Samandriel.’

They snorted, a weirdly human like sound, ‘You hate the Creator.’

A wry smile quirked upon her lips as she agreed. ‘I do. But you love them, and I _am_ sorry for your loss.’

She held them, body shaking and broken, cradling Samandriel like they were her child. Shahar joined their embrace, wings blocking out the world, allowing the angel to breakdown at the abandonment of their father/mother/parent/creator.

* * *

Lilith knew she had a strange relationship with God. Knew it was not typical behaviour of God to allow such blasphemy to exist. She was there to witness The Flood. Watched the sinners and unrepentant drown, both adult and children alike.

In fact, she was angered, as was her usual state in all things Creator related, that the children were to die as well. They were innocent, their souls free of the sin of their parents. She ended up issuing Samandriel’s help, and together they made their own ship. Lilith tried to gather as many children as she could to save them all. Shahar helped, flying across the land, further and quicker than she could, bring back as many as they could carry.

The children were grateful and terrified in equal measures, having heard the tales told of The First Demon. Amused, she listened to their stories of her. Of how Lucifer corrupted her and turned her into a demon, dark and full of sin.

The children lived and left after the flood, but many visited through out the years, and Lilith could not stop the way her heart swelled at their kindness. Even with her child and friend, Lilith knew she was a creature of connection, needing companionship.

God visited her after the Flood, whilst Samandriel was back in Heaven. God seemed to have settled into the form of a man, features similar to the way humans depict him to be. Shahar was out in the peach orchard, and though she knew that they felt God’s arrival, she was relieved they stayed away.

The Creator settled next to her, and looked upon her territory, having grown and expanded over the centuries.

‘You saved those children.’ It was stated as an observation not a question. Of course they knew.

She shrugged, ‘You abandoned yours. I did not expect you to save these ones.’

They hummed, like a rustle of wind through the trees. ‘You are correct in that assumption.’

The silence was elongated, only filled by the buzz and life of nature. But after mulling it over, she wondered out loud, ‘Why do you not destroy me? I know that you could.’

They copied her gesture, shrugging nonchalantly. ‘You are that last true creature that I have created. You are the last creature to love Lucifer still and unconditionally. Lucifer’s memory is marred by the War, many of my children hating and fearing him. But you do not.’

Staring out into the grassy land, just seeing the barren desert on the horizon, she confessed, ‘He loved me. Maybe not to the same degree as he loved you. But he still did. And he did not need to.’

They admitted in turn, ‘I do not destroy you because I do not think I could.’ At her doubtful look, they chuckled, a babbling brook to her ears. They conceded, ‘I could, but I do not want to. You are outside of my power in terms of actions. I have no sway or hold over your mind and body. I will not touch you.’

‘Why?’ Her brows furrowed with curiosity, and this back and forth conversation felt reminiscent to the days when she only knew them as the Voice. 

THe sighed, a tired, exhausted, sigh. ‘My sister. A part of inside you holds her, just as a part of me was in Adam. He was made purely of my power, but you, Amara wanted to add some of herself in you. And before we fought, I could never deny her.’

Looking down at her lap, she quietly stated, ‘I’m no longer a human. I have not been since my journey here.’

Their hand laid upon her shoulder, and she was irritated at how relaxed she felt at such a simple gesture. ‘The darkness took hold and changed you so you could survive.’

Worrying her lip, she said, ‘I am a demon.’

They laughed, shaking their head. ‘No. A demon has their soul corrupted. Your’s is not. It is still as bright and as strong as it was when you were first born.’ The soft gaze in their eyes had her once again wondering out loud, 

‘Then what am I?’

The hand came from her shoulder to hold her chin lightly, tilting her head up to meet their gaze. ‘You are Lilith.’ They stated firmly, confidently. ‘Must you be more?’

A lips quirked, ‘I suppose not.’

* * *

That was the last time they spoke for a millennium, though at times she felt their grace touch gently across her skin every now and then. It was like they were checking in on her but that was all. For being outside of God’s eye, she sure was observed by them a lot.

Samandriel once told her, after God had left, that their last order was to watch and protect the humans. And to not touch the last first human.

She rolled her eyes, reluctantly fond of the Creator. Her Wrath still simmered inside her, angered at their betrayal. And she still prayed to Lucifer, everyday talking to them down below, still furious at their imprisonment.

Lilith had asked her friend, if she could free her lover. And the sadness in their eyes had her hope snuff out like a candle flame.

600 seals locked into place. 66 to release Lucifer, the Devil, as the humans called them. The first was a Righteous man’s soul in Hell succumbing to the torment, picking up a blade to torture as they were tortured. The last seal was her.

Her blood. Her life.

She must die to release Lucifer.

It felt so unfair, that to even get her lover back that she would have to sacrifice herself. And she knew that it was God’s way of spiting her. She said they didn’t have a normal relationship and even though they have had civil conversations, many of their actions towards one another were not kind.

And even if she was going to release Lucifer, she would need to find a Righteous man and get him to sell his soul. The circumstances were so specific that she grew suspicious of the Creator’s plans for humanity.

So she stuck to praying everyday to Lucifer, constantly reaffirming for him that she still loved him, that she missed him. She talked of Shahar and how well they have grown. Androgynous in looks, they could be male or female, and Lilith loved the confusion and chaos her child caused when people see them.

Shahar learnt to hide their wings, Samandriel helping them with the angel side of their blood, and Lilith would watched, dazzled, by them flying and soaring above their home.

She told Lucifer of the amazing things humans have managed to create. She knew their hatred for humankind would still be there, but maybe, just maybe, she could make them at the very least neutral than hateful.

She did not like humans much either, but that did not mean she wanted them all dead. Lilith had grown attached to them, specifically her adopted children

Children born by the union of monsters and humans. Children without a home, cast out for the strangeness. The children abandoned on doorsteps and in forests. They were all her’s. She would gather them and raise them. Showered them with the love and affection that they needed and deserved.

And if people started to say that they were children she birthed from laying with the evils of the world? Who was she to care. They meant nothing to her, and her life was filled with pure joy, surrounded by children that loved her.

But they did not have her longevity. Not like Samandriel nor Shahar. She mourned many lost children over the centuries, the grief never becoming easy with each soul leaving the dying body. However, that did not mean she ever regret all the good that came out of loving each and every one of them.

But on top of living in a cave, caring for multitudes of children, birthing the first Nephlim, and creating the sin Wrath, _and_ having shouting fits up at the sky as if God was listening, she was also pulled into the drama of who rules Hell.

The Fallen ruled in Lucifer’s stead, creating demons to add to their ranks. And of course they would come to her, their souls dripping like tar, thinking she was one of them. And maybe in some ways she was.

But she was not a demon. A being of darkness, but not Hell. She was never corrupted, only evolved through her pain.

Lilith was tempted to reject their offers of the throne, but she knew that power was something necessary to survive. And she was amazed at the power given when ascending the throne of Hell.

* * *

Lilith lived a very long, very secretive life after ascending. Shahar, who had taken to exploring the world and universe, was told to be cautious when visiting her. Samandriel had to also pull back on their visits, the Host having their duties tripled with how quickly humans reproduced, needing all hands on deck so to speak.

She would not allow her dearest friend and beloved child harmed, so she hid it all away, wrapping herself in the darkness of Hell, letting the Wrath come to the forefront of her mind. As if on a tightrope of raging and killing anyone who crossed her, she became most feared and most hated Queen of Hell.

She both revelled and reviled the position. Gone were her days of lying under the stars. Gone were the days of laughter and playing with her children. Instead, her days were filled with sulfur-thick air, screams of the damned and tormented ringing through her new kingdom.

Lilith spent her time surrounded by grotesque souls, seeping thick black oil, radiating vile evil. She was not evil, not like they thought she was. But to survive the cesspit of vipers, she had to become evil.

Her heart broke over and over again as she tortured the innocent. She puked bile after ordering a horde to kill children. Though she was not kneeling to Adam or God, she was still kneeling to the position demanded of her. She was not the controller of her own life, but controlled by the expectations of the corruption around her.

And her soul weeped.

When Dean Winchester was birthed, both Heaven and Hell sang and screamed in unison. The Righteous Man has come. And that was when Lilith had learnt of the End of Times. The Apocalypse. Lucifer was to rise along with the forces of Hell. Michael was to descend with the Heavenly Host. And they were to battle, wiping out humankind in the process.

The higher demons, Fallen and Princes, spoke to her about all of this as if she knew. As if she, the First Demon created, knew of Lucifer’s plans. As if he had spoken this all to her. He never did and she wondered why.

Did he not trust her? Did he not love her?

_Why_?

Sam Winchester was born and six months later, his pure soul was not tainted by the demon blood but his body was. And she looked upon this child, sleeping in a motel with his older brother curled around him defensively. She looked upon him and wondered at how such a pure creature would be her downfall.

The demons expected her to die willing for Lucifer to be set free. They expected her to find it an honour and not a terrible idea. Lucifer has sat in the Cage for so long, that even she wasn’t delusional enough to believe that her prays and thoughts had made him kinder, nor kept him sane.

She panicked.

And in her panic, she ran.

* * *

Hell was in up roar, Uriel knew. The Righteous man was in Hell, just as planned, but Lilith, the last seal, was missing. If she could not be found, the Plan could not come to fruition. Sam Winchester was consuming demon blood but it was not on Lilith’s orders.

The Queen of Hell was missing, and they could not start the Apocalypse without her.

Samandriel was panicking.

He knew that the higher ups were keeping plans from the lower Host. Of course he knew, he was friends with Lilith, and knew more about the inner workings of Hell than any other angel. Maybe even more than other demons. He knew that Lilith was dying inside with all the horrific actions she had committed in the name of surviving. He knew because she would weep into his shoulder, trying to hide her pain from her child.

Shahar was not to know of her actions. They were to be kept as far away from both Heaven and Hell as necessary, but both Samandriel and Lilith knew that would not be possible. If she died, and Lucifer comes free. He would seek out the child that she had spoken about.

Lucifer was possessive, and Samandriel wasn’t an idiot. He knew he was not strong enough to stop the Morningstar. Lucifer would come for his child.

Shahar was not ignorant to what their mother did in Hell. They knew it was not good, but could never blame her. They loved her to the ends of the universe and further. Shahar could never judge her for what she had to do to survive. Not when she was filled with such guilt and shame.

They also knew that something was stirring on the horizon. Something strong was coming, something deadly. And Shahar would do everything in their power to keep their family safe.

* * *

Lilith stopped running.

She felt so old. _So tired_. She had so much innocent blood on her hands, and knew that this wasn’t what she was made for. She may not ever know truly what she was made for, but it wasn’t not to harm the pure and innocent.

Her hands looked cleaned as she stared at them, outside a church. The looked clean but if she closed her eyes, she could remember the sick, slick sensation of blood soaking them unclean.

Glancing up at the door to the church, knowing her end was coming, she wondered if Lucifer would say something to her as she bled out and he was granted freedom. Would he continue to love her? Would he thank her for her constant prays? Or would he turn his back on her, dismissive and uncaring. Would he drink up her blood, taking every inch of sacrifice, consuming her willingly given power?

Turning her head up to the glitter stars above, she felt the ones under her skin slowly crumble and implode.

She has walked this earth for longer than any other human, any other animal. She has suffered and survived. And now she must sacrifice it all for a being who most likely won’t even remember her past her death.

Stepping into the church, she was thankful she hid herself from Shahar’s notice, not wanting them to witness her death. A child should not watch their mother die so gruesomely.

* * *

Sam and his brother watched with horror as the blood spiralled around Lilith’s dying body, regret and fear at what he has caused. He watched the last gasp of breath leave her mouth, and was momentarily confused when a tear escaped her eye.

‘ _Please_.’ She whispered with that last breath. Please what, he did not know. What would the First Demon be pleading for? But then everything became too bright.

A gentle breeze brushed her cheeks and her eyelids fluttered open. The sky was a clear black, the stars brighter and more visible than ever before. The only time they were like this was when she was first created. The trembling gasp that left her was soft and melancholic, and her arm felt heavy as she reached up, as if to grasp the stars.

A cold hand slipped into her’s, and though the appendage was different, the grace that simmered under the skin was not. Disbelief and hope rising, she unsteadily turned her head to look upon her lover. Her Lucifer.

Pursing her lips together to stop them wobbling, she was met with the scene of both her most loved and her most beloved child. So different in looks, they shone just the same.

Shahar helped to pull her up, and she stared at Lucifer in disbelief as he placed a gentle kiss upon the palm of her hand.

‘I heard you.’ Voice was just a melodic and soft as she knew before. Leaning her head against his, she let the tears overflow, overcome by the sheer love that she felt in the presence of her family. Distantly, she knew Samandriel felt her emotions, both becoming so attuned with one another over the years, and calmed herself with the knowledge that he knew she was not dead.

Cold hands cupped her cheeks as the Morningstar repeated, ‘I _heard_ you, Lilith.’

**Author's Note:**

> Adam means the ground, earth  
> Lilith means of the night.  
> Shahar means dawn or morning.
> 
> Hoped y’all liked this. I really channeled that womanly rage i have, and kinda went off on god. I am but an angry woman, shaking her fist up at god. I took a lot of creative liberty, and was going to do a sad angsty ending because i love that shit. But then i thought, nah. A sad ending for an already fucked over woman would not be gratifying. 
> 
> And how does canon continue? That is up for you to think about and decide. 
> 
> Also, more stories of awesome Samandriel please. That boy needs some attention. He may be young, but he was still technically a soldier of heaven.


End file.
